Why'd He Say That?

The International Planned Parenthood Foundation wants the U.N. to choose its first female Secretary-General. Sounds like a good idea to me.

MoveOn thinks it would be nice if the corporate news media actually tried some of that "fair and balanced" stuff. I'll buy that.

Al-Qaida member Zacarias Moussaoui, on trial for his alleged involvement in the 9-11 attacks, now claims that he was supposed to hijack a fifth plane and crash it into the White House, along with Richard Reid, the Get Smart shoe bomber.

I don't believe it. It doesn't ring true to me. On the other hand, what benefit would he gain from telling such a lie? Sow confusion among the enemy?

But what benefit does he gain by telling such a truth, either?

The only thing I can think of is that he wants to make sure he is executed. No doubt he'd rather be a martyr than a plain old convict.

I hope they don't execute him. I hope he gets to grow old in prison, gradually forgotten by the world like the surviving members of that other conservative faith-based organization, the Order.

I like the thought of a frail old man hobbling down the corridors of a prison, and a young guard asking why he's there.

"He's a terrorist," says an old guard. "He killed people for his cause."

"What cause was that?" the young guard asks, and on being told "White supremacy" or "The Wahabi interpretation of Islam" or "stopping women from controlling their own reproductive functions", the young guard may be excused from looking blank, or bursting out laughing.

"He threw his life away for that?"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Future prospects are good."\\

Homeland Security

It not only doesn't work,

It doesn't even work.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Ask again later."\\

Yes, Let's Do Hear the Revolution, But....

I'm enjoying Spring Break. I don't even mind working night shifts during the break, since it gives me an opportunity to watch gorgeous spring sunrises. I'm spending nights at a house way out on the Valley floor, with no buildings to block my view to the east. Most mornings, the sky is overcast, but even then the light is beautiful.

Now if only Mercury were a morning star this month. I always like to get a glimpse of it, and so rarely get the chance.

I am favorably impressed by what I saw at heartherevolution.com. I believe that their hearts are in the right place.

What a shame, then, that they chose to engage in a slimy practice like posting advertising spam in the Comments section of this blog. What a shame. And shame on them.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Begin as you mean to go on."\\

Pointless But Funny

Some people are as offended by dog-breed stereotypes as they are by ethnic stereotypes. For the rest, there's:

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: "Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code."

Afghan: "Light bulb? What light bulb?"

Golden Retriever: "The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?"

Rottweiler: "Just one. You want to make something of it?"

Lab: "Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Can I? Huh? Can I?"

Jack Russell Terrier: "I'll just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls and furniture."

Cocker Spaniel: "Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark."

Pointer: "I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . . . ."

Greyhound: "It isn't moving so who cares?"

Australian Shepard: "First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle . . ."

Boxer: "If I could stop wiggling my butt long enough to quit falling off the chair..."

Golden Retriever #2: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or frisbee - and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my sad eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself - you didn't have to do that - but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."

Dalmatian: "Just one, but I will really hate the new bulb."

Wolf-dog hybrid: "Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!"

Pit bull: "Just one, but then I'll hang on to it, dangling from it until the ceiling falls in."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Shame on you."

Keeping America Safe From Old Ladies in Funny Hats

Demonstrating the Administration's usual keen grasp of priorities....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't read the news anymore. Go listen to old radio shows at http://otr.net instead."\\

I'm Back

After being mysteriously white-screened for days on end, this blog is back online.

To celebrate, I'll post here some nifty things Kathe has sent me:

Distressing evidence of evolution in action: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,184973,00.html


An amusing meme generator: http://memegen.net/viewmeme.pl?meme=1074766802

A highly educational filmstrip: http://www.filmstripinternational.com/

Really good news (for a change) out of South Dakota: http://www.indianz.com/News/2006/013061.asp

An awe-inspiring database of sidewalk art: http://rense.com/general67/street.htm

The Calvin and Hobbes Searchable Database: http://www.transmogrifier.org/ch/comics/search.cgi

A discussion of dangling modifiers. You know, like Jesus: http://www.yarnivore.com/francis/archives/001463.html

The Telemarketing Counterscript: http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html


A marvelous idea: that arguing should not be considered "fighting" but rather "carpentry": http://ozarque.livejournal.com/214503.html?style=mine


A mathematical joke: 2+2=5*

*for extrememly lage values of 2

Scruffy, the world's cutest sea urchin:

http://user.mc.net/~mena/scruffy/scruffy.htm


Teaching your fish to play soccer: http://www.fish-school.com/

And finishing off the fishy theme, the ultimate sea creature, the Intelligent Octopode Designer: http://xiphias.livejournal.com/292111.html

And also something I found on my own:

Joan's Army. Joan of Arc, that is. A blog devoted to tough chicks who aren't going to take it from the patriarchy any more: http://joansarmy.blogspot.com/

Anyway, I'm back. I'm sure that will be a relief to both of you.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't fish for compliments."\\

I'm (Still) In

It was very close, but apparently my grades for Winter Term are juuuust good enough for me to return for Spring Term, and continue on my way to becoming a nurse.

But really, I must not let it get so close henceforth.

Now that I'm on Spring Break, I can catch up with some of the news, like this Ben Domenech guy.

Well, good Heavens, what a guy!

What else have I been missing?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Are you sure you want to know?"\\

Jake sent me this

Kathe's son Jake sent me this:

A recent SPAM enticing me to become involved in the import of "artificial
arts and crafts." They have a comprehensive database...

------------------------
Dear Intended partner,

On behalf of China HuaMao Arts & Crafts Organisation, it's our pleasure to
introduce to you our new sales/marketing initiative as we are world
leading producer and export of artificial arts and crafts. The company
maintains a comprehensive database of inter-national trade in artificial
arts and crafts, we export into Canada/America and some parts of Europe...

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Stick to natural crafts."\\

Architectural Tromp L'Oeil

L'oeil needs to take a nap now....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Ever see a bloshot 8-Ball before?"\\

Reptilians in Government

Has the U.S. government been taken over by inhuman blood-drinking reptilian creatures?

No, I mean, literally?

No, of course it hasn't, but it sure is fun to read about it at educate-yourself.org.

There's something very entertaining in the combination of paranoid looniness and inadvertant political satire found here.

It's no V for Vendetta, but it's worth a look.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Are you entirely sure?"\\

How Not To Do It

Handle liquid nitrogen, that is.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Ouch."\\

Oops

The last week of classes finishes. Next comes finals week. Meanwhile, I'm visiting Feministe instead of studying, following a link Kathe sent me, checking out these embarrassing answers to casual nosy questions: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/03/16/open-mouth-insert-foot/

I also liked the "nerd headstone" piece at Feministe:

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/03/16/2453/#comments

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1936061

Although my all-time favorite nerd headstone is still HGWells':

I TOLD YOU SO

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "It is better if people wonder why you do not speak, than if they wonder why you do."\\

Wisdom From the Ancestors

Well, I got it from Jake, and I don't know where he got it, but:

On April 20, 1795, James Madison, who had just helped shepherd through the
Constitution and Bill of Rights, and would become President of the United
States in the following decade, wrote:

"Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be
dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is
the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes. And armies, and
debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the
domination of the few."

"In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended. Its
influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied;
and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing
the force of the people. The same malignant aspect in republicanism may be
traced in the inequality of fortunes, and the opportunities of fraud,
growing out of a state of war...and in the degeneracy of manners and
morals, engendered by both. No nation could preserve its freedom in the
midst of continual warfare."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Sigh."\\

Cover the Uninsured

No, Mr. Gonzales, not with your sidearm, they're not attacking (though they're entitled to).

No, Rev. Robertson, not with your overcoat, they're uninsured, not naked. Besides, who knows where that overcoat has been -- I notice it has slit pockets.

No, Mr. Guckert, please step back. This is real news, not the kind you cover.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Be nice."\\

And Then Kathe Sent Me...

From Shakespeare's Sister:

The so-called "Let the People Decide" bill claims to be about controlling corruption by replacing private funding with public monies. In practice, it is about making it impossible for a small party to gain the influence needed to become a larger one. Under this bill, public money is available only to those parties who manage to gain signatures equal to at least 10% of the previous vote for partial funding, and at least 20% for full funding. That's bad enough, but here's the kicker: "candidates who don't qualify for funding would be barred from spending any privately raised money on their campaigns."

You read that right. If you don't qualify for public funds, you don't get to use your own funds either.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do the right thing."\\

Impeachment When?

Right now?

Or after the November election?

I can see good arguments on both sides.

I don't see a single damned reason not to ITMFA.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Me, neither."\\

Good News

Had to go far enough to get some: There is evidence of liquid water on Enceladus.

On the other hand, there is also evidence of liquid water on the continental landmass of Antarctica, where it would really be better for us if there weren't.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I hope that when the school year ends you start to lighten up."\\

Maria Cantwell Sent Me This

How thoughtful of her.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Virtue is a woman's finest decoration."\\

Kathe Sent Me This

Kathe sent me this:

One of my favorite quotations is the famous one from Thomas Hobbes (a veritable musician of the English language). But here's a new take on it, from Ken McLeod's blog:

As one of Ted Hondereich's students wrote in an essay, 'Hobbes tells us that life in the state of nature is poor, solitary, nasty, British and short.'


And this:

It's been too long since we visited Planet of the Geeks:

http://www.planetofthegeeks.com/


And this:

http://www.world-science.net/othernews/060216_causefrm.htm

And this, which is awfully cute:

http://www.clocky.net/

And this:

http://www.woot.com

And this, which takes fanfic to a new level:

http://www.startreknewvoyages.com/

And this:

forgot to tell you all, I had dental surgery yesterday. An abcess suddenly appeared, having eaten a hole clear through my lower jaw. Fortunately, I was able to get it taken care of right away. Unfortunately, as I discovered, dentists no longer bill, and it cost $1113.00!!! Fortunately, I was able to pay. I don't know what the dentist would have done if I had not been able. If you have dental insurance, or vision care insurance, you are very lucky. My fed employees plan insurance is great in most ways, but it doesn't cover these little optional extras. Of course, if I got knocked over by a car because I couldn't see the traffic signal, my injuries would be fully covered. . .

My poor sweetie. It was painful to watch her lying there, her jaw swollen, reluctanty even to speak because of the residual pain.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Man was made to marry."\\

Medically Amusing

[Recycled from 9 February 2006]

I use a veterinary syringe to remove earwax, myself.

If you can't get one, you might try a turkey baster, although the pressure won't be as great as with a syringe.

Or one of these.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Go with the flow."\\

Who's Next?

Will your state defend the right of incestuous rapists to become fathers as vigorously as South Dakota has?

Maybe you'd like to say something to your representatives about that.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Give it some thought."\\

Michael Brown -- Not As Bad As All That After All

What a bizarre turn of events, that the now-famous pre-Katrina video reveales that, narcissistic incompetent though he might be, Michael Brown wasn't anything like as lackadaisical and callous as he appeared to be, based on material available at the time. He showed signs of genuine concern, by golly. Guess we were too hard on him.

George W. Bush, however, is revealed to be every bit the Nero he seemed to be.

Interesting.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Examine all the facts before you act."\\

Paying Your Bills and Other Terrorist Acts.

Haven't spent much time up here in the lookout. The term is ending, and it looks as though I might well pass, and get to come back again. That'd be nice.

you pay your credit card bill off, instead of letting interest accumulate, then the terrorists have won.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Consider your options."

So, How Open-Minded Are You?

You Are 76% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out! Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand. You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting. You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Flexibility is often mistaken for weakness."\\

Where Ya Been?

Since I don't have an RV to post this map on, I'll put it here:



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You are going on a trip."\\

It's Difficult to Parody Little Green Footballs

But they're trying at Little Green Fascists.

Personally, I always refer to that site as "The diaper full of little green footballs", because that's what the phrase makes me think of.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "There's also the smell of the contents."\\

When You Say "Everyone", You Mean...Everyone...?

Pastor Carlton Pearson lost 90 percent of his congregation by adopting the shocking, unheard-of doctrine that when Jesus said salvation was available to everyone...he actually meant everyone.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Quality vs. quantity, take your pick."\\

What She Said -- I Mean He (Do I?)

Shakespeare's Sister is right when she quotes this person who truly speaks my mind:

The enemy we face is brutal and determined. [They] have an ideology. They share a hateful vision that rejects tolerance and crushes all dissent. They seek a world where women are oppressed, where children are indoctrinated, and those who reject their ideology of violence and extremism are threatened and often murdered.

[They] have aims. They seek to impose their heartless ideology of totalitarian control… To achieve their aims, [they] have turned to the weapon of fear. [They] do not understand America. They're not going to shake our will. We will stay in the hunt, we will never give in, and we will prevail.

Of course, when George W. Bush said those words, he was talking about someone other than his own gaggle of crooks, but they apply equally well to either racket.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You said it".\\

Keep At Them

There are Republicans who are ready to begin investigating the Administration's crimes.

And there are still Democrats who are afraid to.

Keep at them.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Persistence is a virtue."\\

Beatitudes For Educators

Kathe sent me this.

The soprt of thing that makes teachers want to "be-at" their heads against the wall.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Teach your children well."\\

AOL Wants to Sell You Out

MoveOn is most concerned about nonprofits and grass roots outfits having to pay for access to people, but I'm more concerned about the idea that, after we have paid for spam protection, AOL proposes to sell spammers access to our accounts.

In the most corrupt organizations, the lowest standard of ethics is to "stay bought". AOL doesn't even come up to that level.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Oy, vey!"\\

What a Guy

Proof that the Compassionate Conservative is not in any sense inconsistent when it comes to talking with Gold Star Mothers: he treats 'em all like this.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Bet you didn't know Magic 8-Balls could barf, did you?"\\

...and counting

http://www.iraqbodycount.net/

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Thank you, Sir, may I have another?"\\

Please Do Train Them Like Rats

Suzanne Faye sent me the link below, as well as this one.

Cherry Potter* writes about "teen boot camps", mistakenly believing that these sadistic camps are in some sense related to B.F. Skinner's historic studies of behavior modification.

Potter also mistakenly believes that behavior modification therapy can only be used within a "strict regime of deprivation
of food and freedom". In reality, the most common form of behavior modification in use today is called "good manners", and it is routinely used to manipulate the behavior of people who are far more powerful than the people using the technique.

* (A real person, not a character in a fanfic about a spell that backfired.)

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Speak truth to power...politely."\\

Keeps on Ticking

The Human Clock (not a superhero).

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Next thing, someone is going to say I'm really a human being thinking these things up."\\

Lego Computing

Somewhere around here I've got a link to a guy who used Legos to customize his computer, and here's a hard drive made to look like a Lego brick, to go with it. Huh.

''The Magic 8-Ball says, "Huh."\\

Quick (or Slow) Draw

Cool at any speed, from x1 to x16.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Have you met my Cousin Etch-a-Sketch?"\\

George W. Bush Making the World a Better Place

Not through any direct action of his own, of course.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You already know the answer."\\

Remember "Johnny Jihad"?

It's pretty flippin' cold up here in the lookout. But then it's cold downstairs, too, and from up here I can see that cuter little tree the steelworkers placed at the top of the new buiolding down by the river. Is that all the taller it's going to get? Well, fine, it's plenty tall already. Completely out of proportion with the rest of downtown.

Yes, it was a cold, but I'm mostly better now.

So, do you remember John Walker Lindh?

I wouldn't blame you if he did. His fifteen minutes were a loooong time ago.

Time was, though, he was a Rorschach blot for half the country.

Now he's just a blot.

What I can't figure out is how this guy's career with al Qaeda came to be thought of as some sort of outgrowth of his parents' liberal background?

He rejected liberalism, secularism and liberal democracy in favor of joining a right-wing faith based organization. That doesn't make him Michael Moore, Jr. -- it makes him David Horowitz's evil twin.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You mean eviller, don't you?"\\

Tough Love For Iraq

[With thanks to Suzanne Faye]

It starts out tough...

...and just gets tougher.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Grrrrrr!"\\

That's Weird

A friend of Kathe's has a friend who has been given a painting by her aunt. She remembers the painting very well from childhood, but was surprised to find that in her memory it is reversed, right to left. There is no chance that she might have been seeing it in a mirror. Does anyone knows anything that could shed light on this phenomenon?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What do I look like, a magic mirror?"\\

Why Cheney Fired

Well, here's one explanation, anyway.

It's not as though he didn't have options.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't walk out so far in front."\\

Pink Sweaters Everywhere

Funny, I don't remember this from previous Valentine's Days: all those people (mostly but not all women) wearing pink and red garments, as though they'd gotten their St. Valentines mixed up with their St. Patricks. Is this new, or did I just manage to miss it before?

This year, The Vagina Monologues came to OSU, although Lyndsey Shaver tried to stop it. Lyndsey Shaver says people who disagree with her are "lunatics". I'm not entirely convinced that she makes the world a better place by saying that.

Kathe sent me the original geek valentine:
Roses are #FF0000
Violents are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

Here's something nifty: a cute little animation that gets down and boogies at the cellular level. Cool!

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Hell, yeah!"\\

Fair and Cloudy

Middle of the term, fair to middlin'. I think I'm going to pass, though possibly by just as slim a margin as last term.

My throat feels kind of raw after the long climb up to the lookout. Am I getting a cold? I'd really rather not.

Oh, well. Take C, hold a chewable in my mouth and let it trickle down my throat. Drink tea, put some pop in it for sweetener and flavor amendment, and more C. Appreciate the near-full Moon out the lookout windows. Go downstairs and kiss Kathe -- she already has all your bugs. Get some studying done.

[The following portion relocated from 4 February 2006, on account of an added link]

Fair is fair. Most people can agree on that. Beyond that, they will all have different ideas of what fair is, besides "fair".

But George W. Bush's idea of F.A.I.R. is one of the weirdest I've seen yet: he defines "fair" as "letting the asbestos companies off the hook for knowingly poisoning people."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Gee."\\

Raising Taxes By Just a Mite

It seems like laying it on a bit thick to call it the "widow's tax".

On the other hand, that's exactly what it is.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The truth sometimes hurts."\\

Dick Cheney Is So Evil...

How evil is he?

Just look and see.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Call a spade a bloody shovel."\\

Big Box of Japan

Kathe's son Jake sent us a link to JList, which was full of links to other Japan-related places.

My favorite was Japanese Streets, which features exceedingly cool street fashions as created and worn by Japanese kids who seem to have a lot in common with my son Waldy and his friends.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Konnichiwa."\\

GOP-to-English Dictionary

I've probably posted a link to this before, but....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Efforts at communication are never wasted."\\

Bad President! Bad!

Presidents shouldn't break the law.

Not little tiny ones, and especially not big ones.

Looks like somebody is overdue for a long talk.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You are the one who can make it happen."\\

Under Pressure

NASA is under pressure from the Administration to fudge that annoying science stuff.

My thoughts, in approximate order:

1) Why should NASA be exempted?

2) He mistook them for the NSA

3) He would have shut them down a long time ago, except he heard that they proved Joshua stopped the Sun.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Many a truth...."\\

Love to Eat Them Mousies

Mousies what I love to eat
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Frequently mistaken for a meatloaf."\\

Catch of the Day

Deep-dwelling fish were washed up by a tsunami.

Some weird stuff swimming around down there.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "And how."\\

They Said It, Not Me

They call themselves Blackshirts.

It was their idea.

Nobody made them do it.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "No accounting for taste."\\

What?

A new planet?

Last week?

Bigger than Pluto?

I guess it's nursing school is doing that.

They can't go on calling it "UB313".

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "8-Ball is a nice name."\\

Getting What You Pay For

If you grant a special tax break to a corporation to entice it to move to your community, you're paying them for their presence, right?

Wouldn't it make sense to get something worthwhile for the money?

Seeing as how it's your money that's being given away?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Outlook promising."\\

That's a Relief

I checked. Coretta Scott King dropped dead before George W. Bush compared himself to her late husband in the State of the Union address, not as a result of it.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do I know you?"\\

Jerks

AT&T sold you out.

So did Google.

Jerks.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Consider your options."

Sort of Like a Joke

There's this site where they sell what they call "Right Wing Stuff", see, and they're apparently trying to engage in political satire.

I know for a fact that there are funny conservatives. I've read P.J. O'Rourke's stuff, and he's pretty good. But these guys literally don't seem to understand the concept.

They know, for instance, that satire often involves taking a familiar statement and rearranging the words a little, or substituting different words, so they create "Feminism is the radical notion that feminists are women".

Um, well, not all of us, no, and anyway, weren't you trying to make some kind of a joke? Preferably with a serious political point behind it?

They go on like this, T-shirt after bumper sticker after coffee cup, and I keep on scratching my head, thinking, "Do even people who still support Bush like these things? Do they think people will think they are funny?"

Puzzling.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I don't know either."\\

One Last Chance

That dirty little crook Bill Frist is pulling one more scam, rushing to a vote on Samuel Alito's appointment to the Supreme Court on Monday afternoon.

Ron Wyden, (202) 224-5244, is my Senator, and I'm phoning him to thank him for pledging to vote against Sammy the Kingmaker, and urging him to go for the filibuster.

You should find out who your Senator is and urge him/her to do the same.

Now, while it's still not too late.

Later, after it is too late, go to Patch Adams's web site and find out what you can still do to make the world a better place.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Mixed signals".\

January Sky

I was riding my bike home at the end of a night shift. The sky was clear and Venus was high and bright as a morning star. I stopped by the side of the road, looking up at that bright, beautiful beacon, and wept.

No, that didn't happen on January 28th, 1986.

It was February 1st, 2003.

But that was when I wept for both crews.

And for the rest of us.

//The Magic 8-ball says, "Don't mourn. Organize."\\

Family Values

U.S. troops are kidnapping family members of Iraqi resistance fighters.

And what are they doing with them...?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Are you sure you want to know?"\\

Unreasonable, Not Probable

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. "

What part of this does General Michael Hayden not understand?

Pretty clearly, it's the "probable cause" part.

Does anybody still think these people are conservatives?

Is it time to question their patriotism?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You already know the answer."\\

A Whiff of Justice (Not Around Here)

Change comes rapidly across latin America, in spite of a U.S. administration that would rather it didn't.

Meanwhile, Linda Loaiza's case continues to grind slowly, slowly through reluctant Venezuelan courts. No, it's not all over and done with.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Be patient".\\

Open Net, Insert Boot

The Internet the way it is now, only faster, would be cool.

The Internet as a spiffy high-speed corporate-media venue...not so hot.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You know what you should do."\\

People Oughta Do Stuff

Wal-Mart oughta stop sticking the taxpayers for their employees' health insurance.

Election officials oughta protect the integrity of the ballot.

Kathe's son Jake thinmks people oughta check out David Perdue's Charles Dickens page. Certainly people who like Dickens oughta.

People who like angels, vampires or other seducitve creatures with wings oughta check out Donna Barr's collection of watercolors at http://www.flickr.com

Bush oughta find a new game to play.

You oughta be impressed by what people can do with just (stacked-up) pennies.

Yahoo and MSN oughta borrow Google's pair.

Once in a great while, you really oughta forward one of those "forward this to everyone you know" e-mails.

And yes, I oughta do a post that isn't just a bunch of links people e-mailed to me, but hey....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do what you can."\\

Industorious Indeed

Check out Yugo Nakamura's Industorious (sic) Clock.

Taking It With You

Kathe's son Jake sent me this link, and appended this comment:

"Mr Pizer, please wake up now... You've been frozen for 150 years, but your
Cryo company went under about 80 years ago. Actually that company has been
bought and sold a number of times. You actually spent a few weeks in a
meat locker in Chicago until a new facility could be found. Unfortunately
we were legally obligated to dip into your "inheritance" to pay for
emergency cooling and relocation. You still have a few dollars left, but
after converting them into American Yen, it looks like you will have to go
back to work. Mr Pizer? Are you listening to me? Ah... yes, where is the
rest of your body? Well, you see after the last market crash the Cryo
industry was forced to make a few, um, cutbacks. What now? Well, Mr.
Pizer, you've lucked into a wonderful Brave New World, you know. You've
been assigned to the circus with all the others. You'll be pulled by
trained monkeys round the ring on a special cart along with the other
heads. It doesn't pay all that well, but it will keep the feeding tube
flowing and cover any back taxes owing. And it does make the children
laugh! Mr. Pizer? Now don't be angry with me Mr. Pizer..."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Go check with my Cousin Television, see if Futurama is on."\\

A Miner's Life

Miner's life is like a sailor's
'Board a ship to cross the wave;
Every day his life's in danger,
Still he ventures being brave.
Watch the rocks, they're falling daily,
Careless miners always fail;
Keep your hands upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

You've been docked and docked, my boys,
You've been loading two for one;
What have you to show for working
Since this mining has begun?
Overalls, and cans for rockers,
In your shanties sleep on rails.
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

Soon this trouble will be ended,
Union men will have their rights,
After many years of bondage,
Digging days and digging nights.
Then by honest weight we labor,
Union miners never fail;
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

In conclusion, bear in memory,
Keep the password in your mind.;
God provides for every nation,
When in union they combine.
Stand like men and linked together,
Victory for you will prevail,
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

CHORUS:
Union miners, stand together,
Heed no operator's tale;
Keep your hand upon the dollar
And your eye upon the scale

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Prospects murky."\\

Why DeLay Any Longer?

When we have Roy Blunt, John Shadegg and John Boehner to handle Tom DeLay's corruption-as-usual?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Honesty is the best policy".\\

WeirdSat

I'm sure I've seen at least one SF magazine cover with a ghostly image of an empty spacesuit on it....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Truth is stranger than fiction".\\

A Cleansing Rant

The Rant of the Year.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "And what are you going to do about it?"\\

Say No to Alito -- Someone Might Even Listen

The sunrise was beautiful this morning. Even from street level it was gorgeous, and from up here in the lookout tower, it was miraculous.

I haven't read Samuel Alito's entire resume. It's sufficient to me that he bragged in his resume, applying for a job in the Reagan White House, that he was a member of Concerned Alumni of Princeton.

In fact, it's enough for me that he applied for a job in the festering pit of corruption and incompetence that was the Reagan White House, but that's another matter.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You don't have to eat the whole egg to know it's rotten."\\

Surprises

I was surprised by a conversation with a classmate the other day. I observed that for his birthday this year, Dr. King was getting Samuel Alito, and she said, "Who?"

I got as far as saying that he was Bush's current Supreme Court nominee and she said, "I don't have any interest in politics." I'd heard people say things like that before, but this time I was really struck by how far apart her view of the world is from mine. To me, a mentally-sound adult who has no interest in politics is as odd (and possibly as reprehensible) as an able-bodied adult who has no interest in working.

I pressed on, pointing out that Alito is expected to be the swing vote to overturn Roe v. Wade
, and she said, "I'm absolutely pro-life, but I don't think that's ever going to happen."

I was polite, and refrained from pointing out that it's pretty damn easy to call yourself "pro-life" if you presume that the issue will never come up in real life.

She's a young single woman. I could have said some things that could have really hurt her feelings. But I didn't.

But I was surprised.

On the lighter side, it's also surprising how few people are aware that The Matrix is a remake of a 1975 TV-movie. Alas, in those days the special effects were not really up to the task, as you can see in this musical interlude from late in the film.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "People go to Hell for lying, you know."\\

Break Out Those Band-Aids

Kathe sent me this:

"The Huffington Post has learned the Bush administration recently asked high ranking military leaders to denounce Congressman John Murtha. Congressman Murtha has called for the Bush Administration to withdraw US troops from Iraq.

The Bush Administration first attacked Rep. Murtha for his Iraq views by associating him with the filmmaker Michael Moore and Representative Jean Schmidt likened him to a coward on the floor of the House of Representatives. When those tactics backfired, Dick Cheney called Murtha “A good man, a marine, a patriot and he’s taking a clear stand in an entirely legitimate discussion.” Though the White House has backed off publicly, administration officials have nevertheless recently made calls to military leaders to condemn the congressman. So far they have refused."

So, faced with an outbreak of integrity and loyalty to their real friends among the military brass, what's the Administration to do about John Murtha?

Why, swiftboat him, of course!

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "There is someone else you should be asking."\\

Something Funny For a Change

There's a searchlight over near the OSU campus, making a beautiful display against the low-lying clouds over Corvallis. I sit here in the lookout tower and think about Judge Samuel Alito, and find that I don't feel up to saying anything about him. Especially since the gastroenteritis has already made my stomach pretty delicate. I'd rather write about something funny.

Like a hidden canteen in the form of a beer belly. Well, I think it's funny, anyway.

And it's not the only funny thing to be seen at Gizmodo, either.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Smile, though your heart is aching."\\

Cruel Mockery

But well deserved.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "True."\\

Staggering Off to School

But managing.

Last week, in a comment, Peni Griffin mentioned frequent consultation of baby name books (knowing her, that would be for the names of characters, rather than the other kind of baby). Here's another source.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Excuse me, I'd prefer to be known henceforth as Beige Toaster."\\

Intestinal Flu is No Fun

It turns out that what I should have been afraid of is not going back to school, but being too sick to go to school on account of intestinal flu.

Intestinal flu is no fun at all. But, with phenergan and a liter of normal saline, I'm feeling good enough to sleep instead of just lying here whimpering, and that's a big improvement.

http://3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592.com/

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "22/7".\\

Back to School Tomorrow

Only slightly scared.

I found this while cleaning out my e-mails today, something Tamrof sent me awhile back. I don't know how old it is, or where Tamrof got it, but it seems especially apt right now, as senior Republicans start saying the "I-word" out loud:

Subject: Breaking News from Congress

Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
overseas interests as of August 31st. The move is
being made to save not only a significant portion of
the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a
record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-Wash.). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government
Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of
American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds
noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for
some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President
as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a
month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, he will be
working primarily at night, when few offices of the US
Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using this tree, he can address
common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for
years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as
his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical work experience.
One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National
Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely
be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the
Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You wish."\\

Numbers

What are the latest poll numbers on impeaching Bush?

Who knows?

Gallup won't poll on the subject unless it comes up in the media, or in Congress, they say. And of course the media have no numbers on impeachment sentiments since there haven't been any polls.

But now impeachment is being talked about in Congress.

And in the media.

So maybe now we'll get some numbers.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The numbers which count are 218 in the House, 67 in the Senate."\\

God's Alphabet

Here are some of the puns.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "1,2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,23...."\

Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking

http://www.humanclock.com/clock.php

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Tick...tock...."\\

That Seven Things Meme

1. Seven Things To Do Before I Die

1. Finish Winter Term 2006 of nursing school.
2. Finish Spring Term 2006.
3. Finish Fall Term 2006.
4. Finish Winter Term 2007.
5. Finish Spring Term 2007.
6. Pass the NCLEX.
7. Receive Oregon nursing license.

Check back with me in the summer of 2007 and I might have a more varied and interesting list.

2. Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Dressing changes
2. Insulin mixing and administration
3. Nasopharyngeal suctioning
4. Tracheostomy care
5. Administer nasogastric medications
6. Discontinue a nasogastric tube
7. Insert an indwelling catheter

I cannot do any of these things because I haven't been vetted on them by my clinical advisor.

3. Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging

1. Saying what I want about politics, morals and culture without getting any e-mails that say "Please remove me from your mailing list".
2. Having a URL to link to when I post a comment at Pandagon.
3. Getting comments on my blog.
4. Reading the blogs of people who make comments on my blog.
5. Reading the blogs of people who comment on the blogs of people who comment on my blog.
6. Saying what I want about politics, morals and culture without getting any unsigned letters that say "I no were you live fagot your a dead man".
7. Uses less paper than zinac.

4. Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. "Hello, this is John Burt" (telephone greeting)
2. "I love you, sweetie." (said to Kathe)
3. "How are you feeling right now?" (said to people whose health actually interests me, such as family members and massage clients)
4. "Can I do anything for you?" (said to people for whom I am providing care as a CNA)
5. "Pshhhhht!" (said to misbehaving cat)
6. "Would you like me to rub your shoulders?" (said to anybody who's standing still)
7. "Life goes on." (usual answer to "How are you?")


5. Seven Books That I Love

1. Missing Man by Katherine MacLean
2. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein
3. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
4. Metropolis by Thea von Harbou
5. Last Call by Tim Powers
6. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. LeGuin
7. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

6. Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again

1. 2001
2. Dr. Strangelove
3. Bananas
4. The Great Escape
5. The Shadow
6. Joe's Apartment
7. The Bride of Frankenstein

7. Seven People I Want To Join In Too

1. Kathe.
2. Peni R. Griffin.
3. Francine Taylor.
4. Floofus.
5. Waldy.
6. Supergee.
7. Mom.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I'm going to close my eyes and count to seven, and when I open them, you will have asked me a different question."\\

I'll Cat Blog When I Feel Like it, Thank You

One disadvantage of coming up here to the lookout tower to do my blogging: sweet little Mouse won't come sit in my lap.

If I were sitting at the computer on the second floor, with the massage studio to my left and Waldy's bedroom behind me, Waldy's half-grown kitten Mouse (a gorgeous ghost tabby) would come and jump in my lap. She might be cuddled up between my belly and the keyboard this minute.

After careful consideration, I have finally decided on the most egregious hypocrisy of American foreign policy since the end of the Cold War.

That being the position, shared by Republican and Democrat alike, that the whole world should have free trade...except in agricultural products.

In other words, "Let's have a completely level playing field in the free exchange between the U.S. and Ethiopia -- of manufactured goods. Let DVD players, designer jeans and computer software flow freely in both directions."

The law in its majestic equality....

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You already know what you should do."\\

Breaking News: Mathematicians solve evolution debate

From a comment on a rare open thread on Pharyngula:

In the ongoing confrontation between science and religion over evolution there has been little progress until today, said leading mathematicians. At the crux of the debate is whether, as the scientists put it, the earth is 4.5 billion years old and life today evolved from primitive forms; or, as the Christian conservatives say, the earth and all beings on it were created six thousand years ago by God. In recent years the struggle has focused on the teachings of our origins in public schools and religious conservatives have put forward the "intelligent design" hypothesis as an alternative to evolution, demanding that it be taught along side Darwin's theory.

Now, in a brilliant synthesis, hailed as a breakthrough on both sides, mathematicians have stepped into the fray with a unifying hypothesis. They first note that both sides agree that the earth and its inhabitants are very complex. Then, drawing upon the well-established theory of complex-valued functions, they propose an earth model that brings both viewpoints into a complete theory. Since complex-valued functions (like complex numbers) have both real and imaginary parts, mathematicians suggest that it is the real part of the earth that is 4.5 billion years old while the imaginary part was created just six thousand years ago.


//The Magic 8-Ball says, "In other news ... "\\

Aphorisms For The Cynical

[Relocated from 6:54PM, 19 December 2005]

Found at Stone Mirror:

# A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs.
# Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die.
# Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
# Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.
# It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village.
# The key to someone's heart is never lost: It's just that the locks were changed 'cause you're some sort of psycho.
# You have to learn to crawl before you can grovel.
# If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner.
# Every dog has his day. Of course, his day consists of smelling other dogs' butts.
# You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. But he probably isn't going to be interested in some frog-kisser.
# True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it.
# One person can make a difference, if that person is, like, Bill Gates or whatzisname, the speaker of the House of Representatives.
# Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman.
# A high tide lifts all boats, except those with a big gaping hole in the bottom.
# There are none so blind as those who have been in an accident at a fertilizer factory.
# You can run but you can't hide, except apparently along the Afghan-Pakistani border.
# Say not that honor is the child of boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it is not the action that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither.
# You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly.
# Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse under the weight of all those failures.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Yeah, right."\\

Thinkers Anonymous

[Relocated from 6:39PM, 18 December 2005]

This explains so much

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and
soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone
"to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking
and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it
exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife
about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called
me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious. "It is serious," she said,
lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and
college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking
we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently,
and she began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche,
with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass
doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
noneducational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share
experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I
still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't bother me now, I'm watching Survivor."\\

I Needed This About Now

[Relocated from 1:16 PM, 18 December 2005]

And so do you.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I like you, too."\\

Seven Things Kathe Sent Me

Seven Things Kathe Sent Me:
1. A link to this amusing T-shirt: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/gaming/713e/
2. A link to Suzette Haden Elgin's blog, where she spoke of a curtious health problem and its eventual resolution.
3. A link to Echidna of the Snakes, and the worst newspaper headline ever.
4. A link to an article about one of Kathe's favorite critters, the slime mold, with an excuse to use the phrase "fossil sex".
5. A link to Language Log, where this sentence is dissected: The depth of how much I deeply do not care about this would be impossible to overstate, though I will try.

6. A link to Making Light, for which her only comment was, "Speechless, right?"
7. A link to that "Seven Things" meme that's been going around.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You'll have to ask the Annoying Seven-Ball about that."\\

The Ministry of Reshelving

At Avant Game, they're up to silly things:

How to Serve the Ministry of Reshelving

1. Select a local bookstore to carry out your reshelving activities.

2. Download and print "This book has been relocated by the Ministry of Reshelving" bookmarks and "All copies of 1984 have been relocated" notecards to take with you to the bookstore. Or make your own. We recommend bringing a notecard and 5-10 bookmarks to each store.

3. Go to the bookstore and locate its copies of George Orwell's 1984. Unless the Ministry of Reshelving has already visited this bookstore, it is probably currently incorrectly classified as "Fiction" or "Literature."

4. Discreetly move all copies of 1984 to a more suitable section, such as "Current Events", "Politics", "History", "True Crime", or "New Non-Fiction."

5. Insert a Ministry of Reshelving bookmark into each copy of any book you have moved. Leave a notecard in the empty space the books once occupied.

6. If you spot other incorrectly classified books, feel free to relocate them.

7. Please report all reshelving efforts to the Ministry. Email your store name, location, # of 1984 copies reshelved, and any other reshelving activities conducted, to reshelving @ avantgame.com. Photos of your mission can be uploaded to Flickr, tagged as "reshelving", and submitted to the Ministry of Reshelving group.

Our goal is to relocate one thousand nine hundred and eighty-four copies, and to complete successful reshelving of 1984 in all 50 United States. Global contributions are welcome.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What am I doing here in the egg tray?"\\

Pot Smoking Saves Lives

I know it does. As a Hospital Corpsman in the U.S. Navy, I saw the difference between the patients who were undergoing chemotherapy with only the futile government-approved anti-nausea drugs to support them, and the ones who were risking dishonorable discharges by using the safest and most effective antinausea medication available.

[Caution: Adult content follows]

The other day, the Oregon Legislature passed new legislation, increasing access to medicinal marijuana while closing loopholes that created the possibility of abuse.

The headline in the Salem Statesman-Journal read, "New laws include medical-marijuana changes"

In the Eugene Register-Guard, the headline was "New year's laws give patients more pot"

Here in little old Corvallis, the Gazette-Times said, "Pot laws change for med users"

But I prefer Kathe's own headline: "Oregon to Feds: Fuck Off!"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Speak the truth to power".\\

485 Children Missing (Not on Aruba)

Two elementary schools' worth of kids who are Just. Plain. Missing.

And to think that Bush is going to be impeached over nothing worse than illegal domestic spying.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't delay -- act now".\\

Christmas Letter, 2005

Contact Light, December 2005, by John M. Burt, 960 SW Jefferson Avenue, Corvallis, Oregon 97333 USA // john_m_burt@hotmail.com // (541) 753-6094
[“Contact light”: Buzz Aldrin’s terse observation that a pressure sensor had tripped, indicating that the Eagle’s feet had touched down. Thus, the first words spoken from the Lunar surface.]
Life goes on
It’s been a year since the last Contact Light. Some years, I’ve sent out two or three issues, but I’ve been busy this year, especially the last few months. After two years of taking prerequisite courses and submitting applications, I was accepted to nursing school, and I’ve just finished the first term. Barely.
Blessed be
Everyone warned me that it would be difficult to work full-time and also go to nursing school, but we really couldn’t afford for me not to. Working night shifts at one job and mornings at another, with classes in the afternoon and “clinical instruction” shifts at Lebanon Community Hospital in the evenings, and massage clients whenever I could schedule them, I often got only two or four hours’ sleep in every 24. I don’t think a single day passed in which I didn’t have work, school or both. I joked that I was embracing a clock-free cyberpunk lifestyle, but as the term progressed I was runing down badly and was too stressed out to even notice how bad the situation was.
Keep on truckin’
School was closed for a four-day Thanksgiving weekend, and so was the day job. I had arranged to have time off the night job during those days, too, so I had the eerie experience of a couple of days in which I could not only do what I wanted during the day, but actually sleep at night. I went back to school in good enough shape to be actually aware of how close I had come to utter collapse, and resolved to do things differently from then on. The first application of this determination was that I begged off a night shift before an 8AM final. Now, that may seem to you like an obvious thing to do, but at the beginning of the term I would have shrugged and said, “No problem.” [By the way: I passed.]
Take care
Things are going to be different Winter term. For one thing, I’m going to insist on at least one actual day off every week. A small concession to mortality, but it’s a major commitment for me, and it’s not going to be easy to fit it into the appalling schedule of a student nurse working 40+ hours a week..
Live strong
After years of hard work sustaining the Willamette Valley Community School, Kathe finally resigned from the board. Now she has time and energy for other projects, like restoration work on the house and sewing. She has a talent for fiber art which she doesn’t fully appreciate, and I’m hoping she will continue to create things like the projects she’s already done this fall. Kathe’s health remains a concern, but she’s had no new crises this year (touch wood).
Don’t take any Wood & Ickels’
Michu (aka Mestowet) was living in Dallas, Texas, but is now in Las Vegas, working hard and putting away money. We’d worry more about her being so far away, except that she’s with one of her Ethiopian relatives and embedded in the local Ethiopian expatriate community, and our experience is that they’re good people. Biftu (aka Asnakech) is still in Portland. Tesfaye was living with her for awhile but is currently back with us and looking for work in Corvallis. Waldy went on an extended road trip with friends this summer and came back in one piece. He’s looking at going back to school.
Take it easy but take it
The face of Corvallis is changing rapidly just now. Most noticable to us is the remaking of the block next to ours, an entire block of aging apartment houses being replaced by new buildings where the housing density (and the rents) will be dramatically higher. 1) It was sad to see the old houses go, 2) it was amusing to have an unobstructed view to the west for a couple of months, 3) it’s currently interesting to watch the construction in progress, and doubtless 4) we’ll soon be numb to the presence of the monolithic apartment blocks across the street.
Don’t let them get you down
A few blocks further from the house, next to the beautifully refurbished former train depot, a couple of buildings that had been moved there from elsewhere are finally being renovated. About time: they’d sat there up on blocks for years. The larger of the two buildings has an amusing history: at various times it had been used by the University’s agriculture department as classrooms and as a grain bin.
Walk tall
Across the tracks from the refurbished buildings, an immense new apartment block is going up. We’re still getting used to being able to see the thing from our house, and now we can look forward to getting used to seeing an even taller apartment building looming over the riverfront.
Speak the truth, as it is given to you to understand it
Also on the riverfront, the Benton County Historical Society pulled a bait and switch, proposing to use the historic Copeland Lumber building to house the long-awaited new museum, then demolishing the building and declaring that they needed to raise millions of dollars to put up a new building. Kind of reminds me of how we wound up in Iraq.
Peace

//The Magic 8-Ball remains on vacation\\

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
Just for now,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
For one night,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

In a year
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
And if not, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "See you later, I'm off to visit Cousin Snow-Globe."\\

Maybe, Just Maybe...

...Bush has finally gone too far.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You people need a different kind of ball for this subject".\\

What a Thing to Say

It's hard to be religious when certain people aren't struck by lightning

My name is Borg. James Borg. Agent 007 of 9. Licensed to assimilate.

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts

GOVERNMENT.SYS corrupt. Reboot Washington, DC? (y/n)

For best results, avoid doing stupid things

It's you and me against the world. We attack AFTER coffee.

The secret message in pi is in Hebrew--we'll have to start decoding from the end

How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you mean "change a lightbulb" or "have sex in a lightbulb"? Please clarify.

ORDINARY Callifragilisticexpialidocious not good enough for you?

If atheism is a religion, baldness is a hair color

Whenever there are sacrifices, there is someone collecting sacrifices

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

I am Letterman of Borg. Top ten reasons why resistance is futile....

I find your lack of CLUE disturbing

I want a "do it for me" button that pushes itself

If your coalition isn't driving you crazy, it isn't broad enough

I'm not sure what a sentient Google would be like, but I wouldn't try a denial of service attack on it

The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent

Once again, a harmless gasoline fight ends in pointless tragedy

Real swordplay is about ending fights for survival. Film swordplay is about prolonging fights for entertainment.*

*Insert here your own observation regarding how a bill becomes law.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Nice button. Might I ask where you got it?"\\

There Goes the Judge

FISA judges have never been stingy with warrants, but apparently that quaint due process stuff was too much for Bush to bother with.

Now U.S. District Judge James Robertson finds Bush's dirty little war too much for him, and he's resigning.

Thank you, Judge Robertson, for one more good decision.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Outlook good for a career move."\\

Diaries of an Object

The Diaries of an Object Moving at a Constant Speed across a Frictionless Surface

t = 0 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v.
Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

t = 1 Days
Moving at a constant velocity v. Everything's a go.

t = 2 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Getting bored.

t = 5 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wish I had bought some reading materials at that newstand I saw at t = 3.5632. But then again, it's not as if I could stop.

t = 8 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Lucky thing I'm an abstract geometric object whose center of mass is located at a spot that is easy to pinpoint so I could be studied easily by people who don't know calculus. If I was, say, a penguin, then I would've starved to death already.

t = 20 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing now that I'm a penguin and have already starved to death.

t = 53 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Saw a cute parellelopipped going in the opposite direction at constant velocity -v. Should've asked her for her number.

t = 54 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am wishing that I'm a penguin. If I was, I'd be able to do something about the fact that I am horny thinking about the parallelopipped seeing how I'd have arms and genitals. I could, in fact, alter my trajectory my masturbating. But wait, if I was a penguin I wouldn't think that parellelopippeds are hot, unless I had a geometry fetish. And I'd also be dead and possibly less bored.

t = 153 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Maybe at one point I was a penguin sliding down frictionless surfaces, but I had a geometry fetish and God sent me to this hell after I died during an inelastic collusion with another Penguin.

t = 639 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am going insane and seeing fractals. I should not have watched that movie with the Mandelbrot set sticking its infinitely many tentacles into a Merger's Sponge dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl the night before taking this trip.

t = 2784 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am contemplating the nature of the universe. Am I on a sphere? A cylinder? A torus? Or maybe I'm on an infinite plane.

t = 6493 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing for the sweet embrace of a warm electromagnetic field. Crying doesn't help.

t = 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. I think I've figured it out. Given the velocity of the cute parallelopipped, the speed of light, mating habits of penguins, a probabilistic model involing a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a bar, and the eight branches of mathematics I developed in the last 80 million days I have figured out the exact nature of existence--

t = t_1 Days
Collided with an abstract geometric object moving at a constant velocity –v. Am now moving at a constant velocity -v. What was I thinking about before the collision? Oh, well. Who am I? What day is today?

t = t_1 + 213 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Very very bored. Images of fractals having sex with each other as well as equations and symbols I have never seen before keep haunting me. Wish I had hands and a knife so I could commit suicide.

t = t_1 + 85373876 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was reaching the zenith of my insanity when I finally saw that cute parallelopippen again. I think I remember almost everything now. At this rate, I could reconstruct all my results in about two months

t = t_1 + 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was almost complete with calculations when I saw incoming object moving at a constant velocity v. Am now bracing for impact.

t = t_2 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

From KingCranky II:

U.S. forces guarded Cheney with weapons at the ready while Iraqi soldiers, who had no weapons, held their arms out as if they were carrying imaginary guns.

"The Syrian border is back under Iraq control now," U.S. Lt. Gen. Marty Dempsey told the vice president, pointing to a map of Iraqi troop locations. "When people say, 'When will Iraq take control of its own security?' the answer truly is it already has."

Yep, that imaginary weapons strategy we're helping the Iraqis out with is sure paying off in a treasure trove of nonviolence & success now

Well, those imaginary nuclear bombs didn't work out so well, but they're hoping they can at least manage imaginary rifles.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Maybe."\\

Two Bush Jokes and One Bush Non-Joke

A Bush joke:

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a
lightbulb?

The Answer is SEVEN:

1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced

2. one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,

3. one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,

4. one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,

5. one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,

6. one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

7. and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

Another Bush joke:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through
dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."

Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past
four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic
overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new
information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept
responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado,
uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history,
tendencies
towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease
originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Not a joke:

"Today, for two separate reasons, has been an incredible day in America. First, the United States has legitimized torture and secondly, the President has admitted to an impeachable offense."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "The laugh is on all of you."\\